Excalibur

I sat down last night and started thinking of every win I've had from Excalibur - WOW. :))

What I've done is written up the all of the in-life and theta wins I've had. If I think of more - which I'm sure I will - I'll write those up to and send them to you. Here are my wins :))

I have a much better sense of who I am and certainty of self. I don't question myself like I used to and I don't feel pulled in a thousand different directions.

I recognize differences, similarities, what's important, and what's not easily and without confusion.

I feel pan-determined. I can easily see things as others see them without distortion and without being judgemental. My ESP is incredible! I think about something or someone and I can see what's going on. At first I wondered if I was seeing it correctly but it's been right on and I know I am.

I'm exterior a lot of the time. I operate my body and the physical universe from outside of it a lot. For the situation at hand, I look at what is needed and wanted in order to get the desired effect and then make it so. I'm not stuck in my body and I'm operating more effectively as a thetan than I have in a long, long time. It's wild and and wonderful and I love it!!! I'm not stuck on the inside looking out - I'm on the outside looking at and handling the physical universe. It amazes me so much - I have theta sight/vision and can see way more now than just physical universe stuff. I feel like I can see everything and it's not distorted!! There is so much more to see than the PU. I'm an amazing thetan and my potential has increased a million-fold! The blinders are gone and I can see!!

It's much easier and more comfortable to be in comm with other thetans. I'm not afraid to be me - I'm not afraid of others (in or out of a body) - I'm not afraid of my power - I'm not afraid I'll hurt others. I know I'm able to be effective and that I can help and have helped and will continue to help.

It's much easier to be exterior. It feels right and as a thetan I can do so much more while exterior.

I'm able to postulate and make things happen and before I couldn't because of constant internal struggles that kept me interiorized.

My body doesn't drag me down like it used to. I'm in ARC with my body org and it happily cooperates most of the time. I don't get sick and the aches and pains and tiredness are gone.

I have high ARC for other thetans that feels natural and not related to the PU. It's theta ARC. Controlling others is also natural and I have self-confidence there. I don't have to fight or use force. People are noticing this and like it. I also have a lot more ARC for the PU and the MOCOs that make it up. I have self-confidence that I can manage everything I want or need to. 

By freeing all of those beings that were implanted and stuck and by giving them their rights, I got my own rights back and I don't hesitate to know that they are mine. I have the right to my own sanity, to leave a game, and to make or choose or not make or choose my own games to play. And so does every other thetan.

I've chosen my game and it's actually very enjoyable for me. I'm choosing to play it - to free me and all of the other trapped thetans. I have free will again and everyone else deserves to have it too.

If more wins come up that I didn't include here, I'll be sure to send them along

>Since you're still PFNing, I'd very much like to know what has changed to make you FN so much.:)) (i.e. your wins)
>
>Nobody ever tells me why they're PFNing..... They tell me what the METER is doing, not what changed to make the meter PFN.
> (those are my words) 

.. oh, right! DUNH :))

Figuring out the herpes thing in that last session was kind of a big deal. THe outbreaks have been gone for I don't know how long now, but I've never really understood it. It always felt personal to me, like it was an attack on me personally and based on what the one holder says, that was true. I wasn't losing my marbles. It was all in the overts the holder coughed up. He tortured me, his words, and activating the virus was one of the ways. His job was to mess with my affinities but he didnt' like me personally and so got pretty vindictive about it.

I could never understand why if 2/3 of humans carry the virus, I had to have symptoms, why mine never fit the usual pattern, and why I could never find out where it came from. I went for a long time after it first happened with nothing, and then it really started revving up about the time I first began doing sessions and has been a pain in the butt ever since .... it was total invalidation. And excruciating to boot. I always felt tainted, like I had a scarlet H on my forehead. Only you and Don, my doctor, and any one I had sex with knew ..... wild horses couldnt' have made me tell any of the ot's. None of my girlfriends ever knew. I felt as if I had done something so wrong that I must have deserved it. Well I may have done more than a few stupid things sexually but nobody deserves that. Plus it was pretty interesting auditing someone who is happily torturing you and trying to kill you right now .... but he got out of that valence and he blew and everything went great, which is totally cool! 

Plus the period that just ended was different. Some cramps and all but day 3 is usually a killer, has been forever, and this time it didnt' happen and I didn't bleed like a stuck pig. I think the tumours were a huge part of the problem, and they are clearly leaving. May be gone already if this month was any indication. I rarely get through one with that few advil. I actually *slept* the first night of my period and slept well. 

And another thing, it's kind of silly about it since it's pretty human, but it's this house thing. Once I started painting the doors, I saw how bad the entry looked to clients, chipped and all, so I repainted that too. I'll redo the rooms one wall at a time when I have the time over the next couple years, but I was choosing a new colour for the cupboards and was having a blast. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I could ever have a place, or be this self-supporting, financially speaking mainly. I used to think that I couldn't really survive on my own and you can't base a relationship on that. It had changed over the years with sessions and all, but it really hit home how much it had changed. Even 15 years ago I would have doubted this was possible. Heck 18 months ago even! That's about it!